His friends said she kind of looked like a horse, but he didn't know what they were talking about.

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

Somebody turn off the air conditioning! We've got a live one here!

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay Lohan is going to give birth to a bag of cocaine!

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

Lindsay Lohan almost looks like a little boy. EAT A SANDWICH, GIRL!

These pictures of Audrina Partridge in Cabo seriously make me forget she doesn't have a brain.

We would do anything to have Supergirl's powers for a day. Is that so much to ask?

This is Ryan Seacrest as a kid, and as you can see, he still looks really gay.

This is the extent of Bret Michael's injuries after a prop kicked his ass at the Tony's last week.

Because she's awesome, Heather Graham didn't wear a bra to the UK Hangover premiere. For this we believe she is the greatest actress of our generation.

Here's Phil Spector's mugshot. You have permission to vomit now.

It's good to know that even though she's been out of the limelight, Jessica Simpson still has her boobs. That just lets us know the world doing alright.

Here's a leaked screen shot from one of Britney Spears' music videos. It's censored because her nipples aren't really that big a deal.

We don't understand Drew's style. I mean, she's Hollywood Royalty. And on most days she's really hot. WTF.