Most of the middle east is hot, dull and colorless. What makes you think a terrorist would suddenly jump ship and start decorating things with pretty lights?

Lighting farts is so hot! Why can't all girls be like this. No, no wait - on second though, we don't want this.

Chris Crocker and Alexis Arquette have officially made all women physically appalling. There is more estrogen between them than Rosie O'Donnell's thighs at an orgy. Too Far?

Elle Macpherson looks amazing for someone in her 40's. But seriously… we all know you can't surf, you little liar!

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Four girls posed for a hot MySpace booty shot. Look closely and you'll see the girl who will shoot them tomorrow after study hall.

Here's a gallery of how celebrities have aged over the years. One thing's certain: Death always wins!

Exclusive in Japan! Apparently cheese-stuffed crust pizza is for amateurs! This pizza features hot dog roll crust, sausage patties, Canadian bacon, mushrooms, and what looks like green beans! Yummerz!!

This unfortunate chap got gored in the arse during the running of the bulls in Pamplona. And you thought he just had too much Ass-Kicking Hot Sauce!

Jack Nicholson is not one to let the young, hot, vacationing starlets get all the spotlight; he wants the tabs to get a load of his bikini body too!

Daniel Radcliffe looks like a leather daddy fresh out of an episode of OZ. So, when is Harry Potter and The Order of the Wenis coming out?

Back in the day, Benoir's wife wrestled for the NWA and dressed like a psychotic KISS fan.

The Grindhouse auteur got his shrimping on at a night club when some hot-footed hussy seduced his mouth with her toes. Goddamm I'm gonna hurl.

A local L.A. bakery is selling "Paris Visitor's Cakes" – muffins with a fake nailfile through the middle! That hot!

Happy birthday, Hot Stuff! This stud's got a big ol' pile of frosting *just* for you!

Kelly Ripa rode the mechanical bull... and looked hot doing it!

Finally! The world's hottest female comedian is letting herself be objectified by the masses in the form of a magazine spread.

Paris is getting into shape before prison, and luckily for us man-lovers, her trainer is SUPER hot!!

I say she's drunk.

Britney Spears was caught on film coming out of Millennium Dance Studios, looking better than she has in a long time! Check out those abs!