You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

These pictures of Audrina Partridge in Cabo seriously make me forget she doesn't have a brain.

We don't understand Drew's style. I mean, she's Hollywood Royalty. And on most days she's really hot. WTF.

No, you're not seeing things. Those are a bunch of Princess Leias being hot and awesome and hitting each other with pillows.

Just face it: you will never get a girl as hot as Hayden, just continue to be a big fat dork.

What does Anna Kournikova's tattoo mean? That you can never bang someone as hot as her.

Oh Katy, you're just forcing us to want you really, really bad.

This is how classy we are when we pick up chicks.

We don't know whether Kanye West's girlfriend, Amber Rose, is bangable or not. What do you think?

If this girl gets any more hot she's gonna blow up -- the world! Hey ohhhhhh!

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

Brazilian model Sheyla Hershey supposedly has the biggest breasts in the world. They're triple KKK, which we didn't even know existed. You think these are hot?

Who would have known that underneath Chloe's disturbing lemon scowl there's actually a hot babe bursting at the seams. Despite Jay Leno ruining the picture, she's almost a 10.

It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

Jenna used to be the hottest girl in the world. Then she got anorexic. And now she's pregnant, and possibly hot again. Maybe we just like pregnant chicks these days.

"Stop right there! I know I look like a nerd but I don't want anything to do with you!"

This 27-year-old Obama speech writer (left) is in a little trouble for grabbing fake Hillary Clinton's fake boob. We'd understand if he was grabbing Palin's breasteses, cause she's hot, but whatevs. If he likes man-boobs that's his deal.

Laura Harring, aka that hot chick from the movie Mulholland Drive, obviously needs a new stylist for her head.