...And he's still an ugly man. Booyah!

Does someone hear the ice cream man? Yeah, he's over there – run! Hurry, run! Oh– O NOES! HE MELTED!

More of Paris' old photos and documents are surfacing... why would she have a photo of her tampon string? Why not?

Now that she's BACK in rehab with a DUI under her belt, Svedka Vodka has pulled the plug on hosting her party (as in, busloads of free vodka) and the tragic irony of a 20-year-old in a drunk driving accident just weeks before her 21st birthday starts to sink in. Fun!

An 11-year-old shot and killed a massive, half-ton wild hog that was even bigger than the famed 'Hogzilla.' The kid's hunting career started at age five. Nice.

She's like a 13-year-old girl who cuts out words and pictures from tampon ads in women's magazines to express her emotions. God she's stupid.

Masha Tyelna is a 17-year-old model from the Ukraine, and is considered to have the largest eyes in the modeling world! I'm scared!!

The *apparently* 15-year-old girl who was fake-raped on stage in Trinidad by rapper Akon has a MySpace page! She claims she's 19 and has slutty photos of herself in the shower. If you ask me, she was asking to be fake-raped.

Paris is getting into shape before prison, and luckily for us man-lovers, her trainer is SUPER hot!!

White people are always keeping the black man down.

At a mere 49 Melanie Griffith is sagging in all the wrong places (because there are *right* places to sag) and her knees aren't making her look any younger.

Visual gags never get old.

Made especially for three-legged men.

Man… she just needs to stop looking at the camera. Forever.

Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed.

Anand Jon Alexander is currently facing multiple felony counts of rape and sexual assault between October of 2004 and March 5, 2007, involving three alleged victims, the youngest a 15-year-old girl.

And now for the gals and gays… MALE MODELS IN THEIR UNDIES!

I'd be angry too if I looked that old and haggish. Gross.

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded! Anyone think she looks like an old hag??

Pink is a man that every confused dyke can go for.