Oh, look who got a new pair of boobs! And from the looks of it they fell right out of a gumball machine and onto her chest. Now we know Amy is rich, so why does it look like she has a cheap a boob job as that girl in high school who got addicted to crack, like, ten years later?

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

It's not fat, it's awesome.

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

Lindsay Lohan almost looks like a little boy. EAT A SANDWICH, GIRL!

This is sexist because it's true.

You don't have to see this girl's face; it's busted. Instead, look at the ocean...the beach...that dude with the towel on his head. If you like, you can also look at Shauna's boobs.

Normally we're against breast implants. But Bikini Girl's new boobs make her face look a lot less stupid, so we approve!

Kara, why did you hide what's underneath your clothes throughout the whole season? We find you a lot less annoying and totally pointless now.

Just face it: you will never get a girl as hot as Hayden, just continue to be a big fat dork.

Oksana Pochepa is the Russian pop star who's allegedly banging Mel Gibson. We salute you, Mel Gibson. Girls who don't speak English are sexy.

Yes, Anna Kournikova is looking at your love handles and thinking she definitely doesn't want to bang you.

Rihanna's new tattoo is a message to girls EVERYWHERE. What it's saying, we have no idea.

We're not sure what these Rolling Stone magazines photos of a couple Gossip Girls is trying to infer here...they like licking ice cream? Candy? They like things in their mouths!?! What? We totally don't get this.