Or at least a well staged photograph.

Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

100% more Annoying or a 100% Fierce? We'd like to punch her in the face either way - in a total non-wife-beat-y sort of way!

We look and look and look at this photo but we have NO idea whether or not she has gut. Are we blind? Or do we just expect our bikini guts these days to be as flat as flat can be? We're picking up a Victoria Secret catalog to find out.

She's still hot with or without clothes.

This Real Housewife of Atlanta Super MILF is so about gay rights she's showing her boobs. Which makes sense! Boobs = GAY IS AWESOME, or something.

She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

It's not fat, it's awesome.

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

Swimmer Ricky Berens accidentally split his uniform at the Fina World Championship in Rome. Or he just trying to use the swimming pool as a giant toilet. Who knows?

...or she wants to lick Quentin Tarantino's face. Which is it?

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

She's either jumpin' or bangin'. Wait -- she's doing both!

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

Today, we're all Michael Jackson. Or we mourn Michael Jackson. Ah, whatever. We're just really, really sad.

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

Seriously, does Heather Graham age? She's looked the same for the past ten years. Good jeans or good doctor?