"Trust me, this works every time. Usually they continue to cry for a while, but after about 30 seconds they are fast asleep… for a while."

The long, slender bones of grandma's rotting hands really accentuate baby Jane's soft features. Jane can only dream of having hair as nice as grandmas.

Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

That baby's head is bigger than Kanye and 50 Cent's egos combined!

Jade Jagger is a baby Rolling Stone and, just like daddy, loves being naked. Question is… who wants to see this?

Paris Hilton has begun her promised change for the better. Here she is holding a baby without dropping it or feeding it Frosted Cocaine Flakes.

"Don't you like how your skin looks like a fleshy condom over my hard horn, baby? Yeaah, this is Pamplona, baby, don't I make you horny?"

Altar boys run crying where these two streets meet.

Gamers play all night!

Proof of reincarnation! Egads!

"Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K" is the actual name given to this very lucky newborn. The hospital birth announcement page can be viewed at: http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

This morning (June 8, 2007) Paris Hilton was cuffed and taken by squad car after a judge has ordered her back in court.... and back to JAIL!!

This horrified little baby is yet another victim of a knitting-needle wielding Star Wars fan.

Dina Lohan sure did look different when Lindsay was a baby... It must have been before the de-horse-ifying surgery.

Sacha Baron Cohen's smokin'-hot lady-friend, Isla Fisher, is with child. May the fate of Kazakhstan be saved!!

Eddie Furlong has really let himself go – and his poor baby is suffering with him!

Baby-daddy Larry Birkhead has a tattoo of Anna Nicole on his lower back, just in case we weren't sure which side of the trailer park he's from. (It's the trashy side.)

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded!

Liquid Generation CTO Helga recently had her baby photos dug up. The truth is surprising!

Iron Mike was so jacked up on blow that he told the cops he snorted chazz "every chance he got." Then he licked their faces and ate their babies.