Just rub her cold sores and she will grant you three wishes...

Too soon? Come on people, the Civil War was almost 150 years ago. He's merely suggesting that he'd sacrifice another million plus soldiers to keep the South's "freedoms" intact.

I'll be able to answer phones, get drunk, start wars, and do all the other things boy presidents do, don't worry about it.

2008, ongoing war, crashing economy, no TV, boring election, who cares?? Miss America 2008 looks hot, and thats all we need!!

Victoria let some of her pit boob escape it's cold and frigid prison. It looks like a sack of fat… Oh wait…

War times calls for national unity. The army is now recruiting butch lesbians to rebuilt war town areas of Baghdad.

A Star Wars pit crew works Darth's kick ass race car.

Known as the Highway of Death, this stretch of land in Iraq is a reminder of the wonders of war in such a civilized time.

This man has some sort of genetic trait that mutates HPV, causing huge tree like growths to erupt from his body. Where are Mary and Pippin?

If Michael Bay ran the military, there would never be any more wars.

Jessica Alba was cold once again on the set of her new movie. Too bad this isn't the set for Batman, thus revealing she will play Harley Quinn. That would be geektastic!

Alba went shopping in a Rite Aid this weekend and must have stepped into the freezer section. Either that or she is pointing at the best detergent that money can buy.

This horrified little baby is yet another victim of a knitting-needle wielding Star Wars fan.

Classy-lookin' Lins was seen holding some book that's supposed to help her get a boyfriend. But we think that dress will do just fine!!

I hope is blisteringly cold out, Xtina! Girlfriend ain't got NO excuse!

This is an infamous store in Maine. Their slogan is, "If we ain't got it, you don't need it." True dat.

I. AM. PROGRAMMED. TO. SERVE. YOU. ICE. COLD. BEVERAGES. OF. A. REFRESHING. NATURE.. PLEASE. TIP. YOUR. ROBOTENDER..

Save your files with the nerdiest thumb drives evar!

"The Art of War"? This is totally a fake photo!

Someone give the horsies a cold shower.