For those of you who need help following this amazing song you loved to listen to back in the day when you were high on cocaine.

Paris kept her promises and immediately opened a shelter for women when she was released from jail. Here you can see her passing out soup to the needy. What a heart of gold!

I know what I'm having for dinner tonight.

Jelena Jankovic won Tuesday in straight sets, 6-3, 6-2. Jelena is the 2 seed in the tournament but she's #1 in our hearts with that skirt.

Even doing flips, shaking your humps, and pissing your pants will not impress the ladies that wrote "Barracuda"(known now as "chick song from Guitar Hero III").

One year later and Sanjaya is still capturing the hearts and minds of 13 year old, Jewish girls from Long Island.

Tamira Paszek has sadly been eliminated from the Australian Open although her cleavage remains a winner in all our hearts.

Diana Ross thought that no one would recognize her without makeup. Unfortunately an old woman died of a heart attack when she mistook Mrs. Ross for Death.

"I love her so much, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve." Barf! Nothing says "Take me back." like a tattoo of your ex's titties. Classy man.

This little pooch was born with a perfect heart-shaped spot on his side. Isn't he the CUTEST?

This little pooch was born with a perfect heart-shaped spot on his side. Isn't he the CUTEST?

This little pooch was born with a perfect heart-shaped spot on his side. Isn't he the CUTEST?

Dina Lohan sure did look different when Lindsay was a baby... It must have been before the de-horse-ifying surgery.

This little cutie-pie is all alone now that his internet stalker isn't around any more. Won't someone please fill the hole in his adorable heart??

Holly Madison has probably had some plastic surgery. Just sayin'.

After corrective plastic surgery, Tara's abs are looking less like Sloppy Joe's and more like a stomach.

This hot, pants-less 18-year-old model recently died of a heart attack. Seriously, all the sexy skinny chicks are croaking!

Unfortunately for Rose, it looks like some crappy plastic surgery went afoul! She REALLY ain't got nothing on Dita Von Teese!

On Wednesday, January 17th, 2007, Lindsay Dee Lohan entered Wonderland Rehab Center. No word yet on any plans for liver replacement surgery.

I thought she got reconstructive surgery on her spam-stomach? Apparently it still looks like a 55-year-old-sunbather's abdomen.