Uhhhhhhhhh?

But she wants to spit in your face first.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

This little iPhone app will convert your texts into supper annoying Kanye texts.

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

Doesn't he look like that old chick from Driving Miss Daisy? Yes he does!

Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

A little bit too much Viagra, Mr. Dole?

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Tonight, as you're lying in bed thinking of Michael Jackson, don't be alarmed if this baby doll is walking across your ceiling.

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.

Avert your eyes!?! Get sexy with yourself!?! We can't tell what's going on here either.

Kara, why did you hide what's underneath your clothes throughout the whole season? We find you a lot less annoying and totally pointless now.

If you're looking for an older lady, here is your best bet.

If you wear this at the dinner table your parents will smack the crap out of you. FYI!

In this recession you have to save every penny. Even if it means wearing your crappy underwear as a sports bra.