The Police Academy is a rough place nowadays.

Any and every girl who chooses to dress like this is either 8 years old or smoking a ton of pot with mustachioed men named Jude.

New from IKEA, The Kim Kardashian Booty Table, place one in the backyard and conveniently rest your drink on the ample derriere.

Lindsay, we've already seen your crotch. Let's see your boobs! Oh wait, we've already seen those, too.

If your last name is Jolie-Pitt, you're having the best childhood ever.

Now when someone asks what your dad looks like you can say Matt Damon.

Even New Jersey can't be held accountable for Criss Angel anymore, he truly is on a level all his own.

Dear Dean McDermott, while most think you're insane for doing this, knowing that your first child has a 10 million dollar trust fund, this was probably a good investment.

Even doing flips, shaking your humps, and pissing your pants will not impress the ladies that wrote "Barracuda"(known now as "chick song from Guitar Hero III").

Your answer will be forwarded to Chris Hansen.

It looks like her "Goldie Hawn years" will be here sooner than we expected. Time to delete Penny Lane from your 70s rock star fantasy.

Dear Crappy Dude from Razorlight, your band sucks, you suck, do not spread your suck to Hermoine or Ron will kick your ass!

Reports of Paris being a lesbian are false, she's only into her own lady bits.

Mr. Pacheco, next time pick a picture from the photo booth at the mall without your GF in it for your Fake ID.

Could you look any more angry about having a model in your lap in a bikini?

The hair is not distracting from your baby bump, it just makes your whole appearance more disturbing.

It doesn't have to be so complicated if you promise to keep your mouth shut and and a bikini on.

A picture that is worth a thousand words maybe but definitely not worth your 9 bucks at the theater. How does Sarah Jessica Parker stay uglier than her clothes? It seems impossible.

Heath Ledger, 28, died today either from a drug overdose or an increasingly insane viral marketing campaign for the upcoming Batman movie.

No it's not a comic strip of an alien taking over a body. These are actual cues of who to give your seat up to on the the subway.