Is it sad when an ad for condoms, depicting a sexual act, physically arouses you? Not that we have that problem...So what are you doing tonight? Please come back…

Leaving her Hotel room this week, Madonna was spotted walking out with a Sex Toy. Now we know Guy Ritchie can satisfy neither his wife or film critics.

Ice T must have sex with plastic "love" dolls, because that is apparently his type. This is not even realistic, Photoshop much?

This new poster from the ACLU advocates equality for all people and all relationships. Crazy liberals and their manatee fantasies!

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Your car breaks down. Do you push it to the side? Do you have sex on the hood? This sign offers no help.

Here's a gallery of how celebrities have aged over the years. One thing's certain: Death always wins!

There is so much sex oozing from this image. Don’t stare for too long, you will be overcome by hormones.

Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

Perhaps representing the height of celebrity mugshots, Paris proves she's always herself by posing her ass off for the cops. Nice.

Another passionate celebrity kiss from the MTV Movie Awards '07!

Nicole is looking dangerously thin again lately, and I've heard through a celebrity "doctor" that her stomach is bloated from malnutrition! O NOOOO!

A recent stint at a celebrity volleyball game revealed the Desperate Housewife's chalupa. And there's a mole on it.

What would these leading ladies look like bald? We'll show you!

Her creepy dad insisted on being on the set while she filmed a sex scene, and helped "direct" her partner. Ewwwwy!

It's cool; they're in love.

Madonna and hubby Guy Richie like to play dress-up to keep their sex life fresh.

Frances Bean is currently going through that awkward teen phase, where should could end up beautiful like her father, or a bloated stripper-turned-celebrity-turned-tragedy like her mother. Only time will tell.

Seriously, what followed next makes Madonna's "SEX" book look like a children's story. Hot.