Hey, you wanna now what else isn't real on The Hills? Audrina's boobs!

Wanna know what else is probably fake on The Hills? Audrina's boobs, and that's just fine with us.

Paris Hilton is modeling for Fila, their first major endorsement since Grant Hill in 1995. She looks as confused as us.

Marcus and Julian spent the weekends performing awkwardly gay tricks for the crowds. One day, Julian saw his reflection in a mirror, mid flip, it was all down hill from there.

Heidi Montag took the form of a great white shark and nearly swallowed her Hills arch enemy LC. Unfortunately, neither was injured.

Compton High's remake of West Side Story, complete with an inter-district theater student exchange. Can you guess who is visiting from Beverly Hills High?

Lauryn Hill has apparently become crazier by the day. What better way to celebrate freedom from the doldrums of society than hiring Lauryn the Clown for your special event!

Some coked-up jerk was being chased by the cops and tried to elude them by driving in loop-de-loops around this field. As you can imagine, this farmer wasn't pleased.

Wow. These cops really aren't fighting stereotypes, are they?

Perhaps representing the height of celebrity mugshots, Paris proves she's always herself by posing her ass off for the cops. Nice.

Desperate Housewife Nicolette Sheridan was out and about in Beverly Hills recently... and apparently it was a tit nipply out! Ha!

Kelis's milkshake got put on clampdown when she was arrested in Miami for harrassing two undercover cops posing as prostitutes.

Sporting events are the perfect opportunity to grab a little piece o' boobage.

Iron Mike was so jacked up on blow that he told the cops he snorted chazz "every chance he got." Then he licked their faces and ate their babies.

Aquatic dancers are always tryin' to cop a feel.

Not only are Cleveland's cops hilarious, but their news investigation team's pretty great, too!

Later this night, Paris Hilton arrested herself for drunk driving.

This pig don't drive too good! Hyuk yuk!