Guys, don't be ashamed to buy the latest edition of Shape magazine. It's much easier to buy than Hustler.

Yes, she's one of our favorites. And yes, we don't know who that dude is standing next to her but we want to punch him in the face and steal Sophia away.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

Even though we would never be caught dead reading GQ Magazine (for fear that it will make us start dressing better!). But if they continue to populate that magazine with pictures like this, we'll get a lifetime subscription.

A review of "Enemy of the State" that is just about the best thing ever.

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

This Real Housewife of Atlanta Super MILF is so about gay rights she's showing her boobs. Which makes sense! Boobs = GAY IS AWESOME, or something.

Oh, Mr. Cameron. You didn't just rip off Delgo, did you? (Psst! That's awesome! We secretly love that movie!"

For those of you who need help following this amazing song you loved to listen to back in the day when you were high on cocaine.

The public option for ObamaCare is getting out of hand. We cannot fund these types of hospitals!

And her "precious" is a nice heaping pile of cocaine.

Her hips are like one of the 7 wonders of the world.

Here's Lindsay Lohan on the set of her new movie Machete. How she's working again we have no idea. All we know is that she sucks at using spray tan.

Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

It always happens a couple times a year: for a week straight Tara Reid makes the paparazzi take photos of her in a bikini, and for a week straight we laugh at her stomach.

She has to be around 55-years-old, but Jennifer Connelly is still very much a part of our imagination as we daydream about doing it with movie stars.

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!