Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

Sometimes it just takes a picture to let you know why American is awesome.

1) Why the hell would anyone buy a magazine with Zac Efron on the cover? 2) Why would anybody buy GQ if this is the stuff they're gonna put on covers? And 3) You clicked on a picture of Zac Efron and that means you're gay.

That's some sexy makeup!

We cannot decide whether Bachlorette Deanna Pappas is hotter than Kim Kardashian.

10 years ago, we only had 2 kinds of T-shirts to choose from; today we have 3!

Ashley Harkleroad was defeated in the first round 6-4, 6-3 by some French chick. Hairy armpits should never defeat Grade A American ass, this is will not be tolerated.

Jelena Jankovic won Tuesday in straight sets, 6-3, 6-2. Jelena is the 2 seed in the tournament but she's #1 in our hearts with that skirt.

Ana Ivanovic defeated Rossana De los rios in straight sets 6-1, 6-2. She also looks nice in a sports bra. That's called win, win ladies and gentlemen.

As the Lohan Lezbo Watch 2008 continues, this shot from an upcoming direct to DVD movie proves two things: 1) Lohan still can't act 2) Lohan doesn't like dudes anymore.

It's like The Who 2.0 "Txtin About My Generation".

Heidi and Spencer embody all of our hopes and dreams.

Crank 2 will do very well in DVD rentals where teenage boys can enjoy the "film" in the proper setting.

Tom Brady is watching you young man, he's watching you like the Jets in Cover-2.

American Idols should be thin and beautiful, not fat and radish haired. Boo Fantasia, boo.. And I don't mean the term of endearment.

Just what Americans need, more reasons to sit on their ass and watch TV. Who wants cheese waffles!?

Cats with two heads mean twice the feeding times, but double the cuddle. Unless of course it’s a pissy ass cat… then its twice the eye scratching.

Most of the middle east is hot, dull and colorless. What makes you think a terrorist would suddenly jump ship and start decorating things with pretty lights?

Hell no, I am not going to smell that. I don’t care how long he has been missing. It looks like he was missing his ass by about 2 feet long before he even got himself lost.