Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

Here's a leaked screen shot from one of Britney Spears' music videos. It's censored because her nipples aren't really that big a deal.

Sometimes it just takes a picture to let you know why American is awesome.

If Hilary Duff had boobs she'd be a lot less annoying and we'd probably really dig her music. This totally fake photo makes us dream things. Yeah, we're shallow.

That's some sexy makeup!

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

Ashley Harkleroad was defeated in the first round 6-4, 6-3 by some French chick. Hairy armpits should never defeat Grade A American ass, this is will not be tolerated.

Lindsay, we've already seen your crotch. Let's see your boobs! Oh wait, we've already seen those, too.

Heidi and Spencer embody all of our hopes and dreams.

Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.

His cellmate was heard whispering in his ear, "I'm gonna do to you, what you did to rap music".

The award for Best Supporting Bodyguard in a Paparazzi Photo goes to “guy fondling his walkie-talkie with his eyes closed.”

Lindsay Lohan probably will mimick Marilyn Monroe's life in every way, other than the respected film career, which Lohan has replaced with Razzie award winning film career.

American Idols should be thin and beautiful, not fat and radish haired. Boo Fantasia, boo.. And I don't mean the term of endearment.

Fergie sang Live and let die at the Music something or other. She spent some of the time flying around the stage playing a rocking version of Quidditch.

Just what Americans need, more reasons to sit on their ass and watch TV. Who wants cheese waffles!?

Most of the middle east is hot, dull and colorless. What makes you think a terrorist would suddenly jump ship and start decorating things with pretty lights?

This reeks of a badly written stop animation movie. Somewhere Danny Elfman is composing the music for this girls' soundtrack.

Danny Bonaduce Knocked out Johnny Fairplay at the FOX Reality TV awards. No one knows what started the brawl, but it was widely accepted that no one cared.