Both of these Battlestar beauties can be found in the latest Maxim magazine, which we guess is still around and trying to make you horny.

Never was there such a beauty in all the land. Lindsay Lohan, apple of our stinkeye.

Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

Sometimes it just takes a picture to let you know why American is awesome.

That's some sexy makeup!

Ashley Harkleroad was defeated in the first round 6-4, 6-3 by some French chick. Hairy armpits should never defeat Grade A American ass, this is will not be tolerated.

Heidi and Spencer embody all of our hopes and dreams.

American Idols should be thin and beautiful, not fat and radish haired. Boo Fantasia, boo.. And I don't mean the term of endearment.

Just what Americans need, more reasons to sit on their ass and watch TV. Who wants cheese waffles!?

There are no words to describe this beauty. It's like looking into the sun and hearing the words, "My dad never took me fishing when I was a boy, this will teach him".

Wow Christina, you look so flawless! What a natural beauty, unlike like those other woman who cake on their make up.

Most of the middle east is hot, dull and colorless. What makes you think a terrorist would suddenly jump ship and start decorating things with pretty lights?

Posh Spice has had enough of the American media. She is poised and ready to take over the country and install a government of blue eyed, blond haired zombie wives. Heil Posh!

Computer nerds around the world go from floppy (disk drive) to hard (disk drive) when they see this beauty roll down the street.

It's really hard to decide which is more embarrassing. Falling down a flight of stairs in front of millions of TV viewers, or striking a bizarre resemblance to Sloth while doing so.

Posh Spice stands over an American flag as the Spice Girls reunite.

A stolen Ronald McDonald statue head + hookah parts = phattest American bong ever!

This photoshopped picture of American Idols Blake and Chris got the fag-friendly AI fans out there all knotted up – until people started actually LOOKING at it and realized how fake it was.

American Idol's favorite slutty contestant loves being wet. In fountains. Not that other way. But she probably likes that too.

The American Idol contestest has a whole slew of hot photos on the net – here's just one!