Dear Crappy Dude from Razorlight, your band sucks, you suck, do not spread your suck to Hermoine or Ron will kick your ass!

Mr. Pacheco, next time pick a picture from the photo booth at the mall without your GF in it for your Fake ID.

Since it has literally become unthinkable that people will ever feel sympathy and "Leave Britney Alone", think of the poor dog that has to live through this.

Being a Guido is a full time job, hair doesn't gel itself, tans don't spray themselves on, and chests don't wax themselves, a Guido's gotta do it himself.

Score a little credit for Scientology and Will Smith as his film proclaimed "Giants lose to Patriots for second time this season 23 to 7." LRH lives!

This purse says "I am strong and independent, back off". Or, "I am a terrorist, detain me without question for many years at a time."

When 1 minute is just too much time to wait, feel free to shoot yourself. No toast for you.

Scientists in South Korea have so much free time, they have managed to clone glow in the dark cats. Now they can fight off the flying monkeys from N. Korea.

War times calls for national unity. The army is now recruiting butch lesbians to rebuilt war town areas of Baghdad.

Fergie sang Live and let die at the Music something or other. She spent some of the time flying around the stage playing a rocking version of Quidditch.

Cats with two heads mean twice the feeding times, but double the cuddle. Unless of course it’s a pissy ass cat… then its twice the eye scratching.

Known as the Highway of Death, this stretch of land in Iraq is a reminder of the wonders of war in such a civilized time.

Japanese students everywhere passed out when their batteries died and where not replaced in time. Further proving the Japanese are not really human at all.

You best not step to me bleatch, I ain't gonna play.

Candy Flavored sex toys are nothing new, but this is the first time you can stick candy corn up your corn hole.

Mr. Harris spent his Halloween proving to the world that gay people can be colorful and yet demonic, all at the same time.

… and times almost up. Way to prove us all wrong Chris…

Oh wow, this has got to be pretty uncomfortable. Of all the times to be dressing like a whore… bad timing.

"Trust me, this works every time. Usually they continue to cry for a while, but after about 30 seconds they are fast asleep… for a while."

Listen up sleuths, Carmen San Diego was spotted at the Lahore National Airport, you have 15 minutes to trap her by naming off African countries. Rockapella, take it away!