Send this to your friends when they're stoned. Trust us.

Damn. We are such dicks.

Here's an image from the Jessica Alba Campari calendar that's coming out. They could sell this thing without the calendar for all we care. Everyday is Alba day to us!

We can't even look at Megan Fox without thinking how much she'd vomit if she saw us naked.

Way to get back on the radar, Elizabeth.

Hayden, if there is anything you need done just tell us. We'll do anything for you, Meatloaf-style.

We covered up Mischa's boobs for you because, to tell you the truth, they weren't that great. Thank us with hugs!

We used to hate Katherine Mcphee, but something makes us want to like her now.

It looks like Jessica Simpson might have gained some weight now that nobody really cares about her anymore. Unless she's just pregnant, which will make us care about her even less.

Audrina's new boyfriend makes us go W.T.F.

This is Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend Bar Refaeli. Jealous?

Nothing turns us on more than man hands and alien face.

Don't Z-list celebrities ever get tired of showing us their panties?

Lindsay, we've already seen your crotch. Let's see your boobs! Oh wait, we've already seen those, too.

Wanna know what else is probably fake on The Hills? Audrina's boobs, and that's just fine with us.

Cash Warren, you sir are the captain of the douche squad, K-Fed has nothing on you, you openly mock Jessica's pregnant body while the rest of us mourn what you ruined.

Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.

Dear Dean McDermott, while most think you're insane for doing this, knowing that your first child has a 10 million dollar trust fund, this was probably a good investment.

Take it from us, some things are better off left animated.

This is exactly not what you should do when you inherit Grandpa's old Cutlass Supreme and 600 dollars.