We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

Shortly after this picture was taken, John McCain crapped his pants.

There's a Ross and Rachel joke here somewhere but it's best not to think too much about John Mayer banging Jennifer Aniston.

Oh, those kids, they sure know how to pose for a candid, uncontroversial photo...

Remember when everybody couldn't wait for her and her sister to turn 18? Yeah, that seems like it was a long time ago.

What adult just sucks a lollipop like that in public? The kind who is pregnant and afraid they will no longer be a sex symbol, that's who.

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

One year later and Sanjaya is still capturing the hearts and minds of 13 year old, Jewish girls from Long Island.

Justin Long and Drew Barrymore were "caught" frollicking on the beach together. "Caught" as in after numerous calls to the paparazzi they began to pose weirdly on the beach.

From William Goldman to Diablo Cody you've come a long way screenwriters. How on Earth did you get studios to pay you when she is the "best" of the year?

Good news! We're no longer biodegradable living organisms.

Always tough to figure out what it is she does, or why she's famous, but she does have long legs, so that's something.

John Rambo kills everyone and has sex with no one.

Posing as a car seat won't get you across the border. Everyone knows that Mexican's are far too good a worker to be caught sitting for so long.

Why is Lohan dressed like a civilian from some Orwellian novel? Those silver shorts are mighty dykish looking. Shame, you know better.

A coal worker in China takes a bath after a long day in the mines. Sorry Ling Po, no amount of water will shake off the black lung.

After a long day of work, what better way to cool off than a delicious Bird's Nest drink.

Hell no, I am not going to smell that. I don’t care how long he has been missing. It looks like he was missing his ass by about 2 feet long before he even got himself lost.

You know, in the long run these really aren't that big. Sure, they are delicious, but in no way are they worthy of being noted as "ass" sized.

Someone left Dina Lohan in the dryer too long and she done shrunked. 3 feet or not, she still plans on furiously ruining her daughters life.