Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Here's Marisa wearing a 3 million dollar bra from Harlequin Fantasy Bra. Tell us: how did her boobs get so rich that they're able to afford such a luxury? I mean, all they do is just sit there and look awesome. Not fair!

This is like the day I found out Santa wasn't real.

Uhhhhhhhhh?

But she wants to spit in your face first.

If you're going to show up at the Emmy's pregnant, I guess you might as well show up REALLY pregnant and just freak everybody out.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

This little iPhone app will convert your texts into supper annoying Kanye texts.

I love how the two a-holes below them are posing for a picture. Those are lifetime friends.

Usually, Audrina Partridge looks dumb in the face. But not here. She just looks totally hot, and I as I type this message here with one hand, I can't help but notice that I am going to explode soon.

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

The public option for ObamaCare is getting out of hand. We cannot fund these types of hospitals!

Doesn't he look like that old chick from Driving Miss Daisy? Yes he does!

I won't let myself fall asleep these days because I'm worried I'll have nightmares about this"

Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

A little bit too much Viagra, Mr. Dole?

I always knew she had one.