This is how she's feeding that deformed stomach of hers? That thing needs to call down before it turns into a TOOOOMER.

Somebody call Orkin.

From the "oops nobody was suppose to see these photos" files.

Ana Ivanovic defeated Rossana De los rios in straight sets 6-1, 6-2. She also looks nice in a sports bra. That's called win, win ladies and gentlemen.

That's all, can't a man love the gold accents and tailored fits of a clothing line without everyone calling him names?

It's called trying too hard, and it's what you're doing.

Justin Long and Drew Barrymore were "caught" frollicking on the beach together. "Caught" as in after numerous calls to the paparazzi they began to pose weirdly on the beach.

It's called elected amputation and it involves people performing their own medical procedures at home.

War times calls for national unity. The army is now recruiting butch lesbians to rebuilt war town areas of Baghdad.

Maybe I don't want to die... I am just going to call this number here and maybe someone will tell me how important and loved I am… oh… well…never mind.

Britney Spears is a witch. Only a level 8 Warlock with melee skills can change their eye color, its called a glamour. Look it up NEWB!

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

I love rainbows because they're so damn beautiful and gay... but this one is particularly interesting because it's called a "fire rainbow" and is a rare, naturally-occurring atmospheric phenomenon.

Shuddup!

Every celebutard heiress knows that a good pair of panties doubles as a cell phone holder!

Sarah Michelle Gellar (or SMG as I call her) was caught on camera with the reddest eyes this side of Jamaica. She was hanging out with Mischa Barton, mayhaps?

Weee-ooooo, weee-ooooo... looks like Jesus called the Fashion Police!

Actually this time around we should be calling it re-rehab. HA! Hopefully Promises will help more than Wonderland did!

Now that's what I call finger food! HA!!

Vince Neil has a cruiseline called "Motley Cruise." I'm guessing it's for aging groupies and the Crüe fans who love them.