Best dressed in 2009, for sure.

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

The editor of this newspaper has obviously never delivered a pizza to a 40-year-old woman's door and then proceeded to have sex with her.

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

And by something we mean her chestickles.

Brazilian model Sheyla Hershey supposedly has the biggest breasts in the world. They're triple KKK, which we didn't even know existed. You think these are hot?

The bra industry is really making strides in design these days.

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

...the blood out of you!!! Watch out for her teeth...and her boyfriend from Sum 41. That dude will slap you if you mess with Avril!

It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

Jenna used to be the hottest girl in the world. Then she got anorexic. And now she's pregnant, and possibly hot again. Maybe we just like pregnant chicks these days.

Jody Sweeten sure is acting RUDE, in these photos.

We never thought we'd see this day come. Pamela Anderson is officially busted. At this point, we can't even fantasize about her anymore. Sad face.

What a comeback. Now all she needs to do is find her brain and she'll finally be complete.

Sure, she looks like an idiot. But she has to have major balls to have her eyelids tattooed. Cat balls possibly…check above.

This is going to be such a bittersweet week. Take it in, guys. Take it in.

Nothing helps you lose weight faster than looking at pictures of celebrities in the best and worst moments.

We blew up the picture so you can judge for yourself.

Get it? Cause you can only see half her ass in the photo, and it doesn't look like she's trying very hard.