Look very closely...Paris Hilton is retarded.

Jenna used to be the hottest girl in the world. Then she got anorexic. And now she's pregnant, and possibly hot again. Maybe we just like pregnant chicks these days.

Jody Sweeten sure is acting RUDE, in these photos.

This is going to be such a bittersweet week. Take it in, guys. Take it in.

Nikki Cox used to be our #1 squeeze. Now she's the picture of death. Rollover the picture to see what we're talking about.

Nothing helps you lose weight faster than looking at pictures of celebrities in the best and worst moments.

We blew up the picture so you can judge for yourself.

Get it? Cause you can only see half her ass in the photo, and it doesn't look like she's trying very hard.

Paris kept her promises and immediately opened a shelter for women when she was released from jail. Here you can see her passing out soup to the needy. What a heart of gold!

What a perfect way to end the year with a big pile of Katy Perry's boobies. Enjoy!

This 27-year-old Obama speech writer (left) is in a little trouble for grabbing fake Hillary Clinton's fake boob. We'd understand if he was grabbing Palin's breasteses, cause she's hot, but whatevs. If he likes man-boobs that's his deal.

Her name is Jennifer Ellison and I guess she's a big deal in England, probably because she has big boobs.

Don't walk in his path or he'll eat you.

Here's a first look at porn star Lisa Ann. She's going to be playing Sarah Palin in the Hustler porno about the VP candidate. Schwing!

If you're going to lose money in the stock market, it helps to make your hands look as deadly as possible.

She will dip your loved ones in BBQ sauce before she devours them.

Where is Michael Phelps' dad? He's in some pool eating small children/midgets.

Emo Obama cries at night while applying lipstick and mascara.

We don't believe in bras either.

We get jealous every time we see Heidi and Spencer frolicking in the park. Okay, we lie.