The latest ninja to keep your neighborhood safe.

Ninja style.

For turtles.

This baby sea lion found a great means of transportation.

Stops woman from committing suicide.

Christmas. Yeah, we're going there. I never said this would be a smooth ride. Christmas is of course the celebration of the day Jesus was born and placed in a manger because there was "no room at the inn". Seriously?  Who was running this inn? Messianic prophecy or not, it's a couple who had a baby 5 minutes ago, you can't make some space? Hell wouldn't even pull that shit, and we're talking about a place that dedicates an entire high-rise to gleefully forcing glass shards under the eyelids of false witnesses.

Christmas is also the beginning of Christmastide, the so-called 12 days of Christmas, made famous in the song of the same name. Allow me to take a breath before going into this one. Let's think about this. The first 4 days, the singer's "true love" - and I put that in quotations because I'm not sure I buy that designation for reasons I'll explain - gives her (Yeah, her. I've lived so long I stopped counting my age when we went from Roman to Arabic numerals, and I can tell you this: chicks don't buy guys multiple swans. Sorry boys, ain't gonna happen.) a partridge (with tree), 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens, and 4 colly birds. The song seems to suggest that these things are stacked every day, so on the first day it's a partridge in a pear tree, and on the second day it's 2 turtle doves and a second partridge in a pear tree, and so on. I'm going to assume that's not the case, and that each subsequent mentioning of a gift is a reference to the original, and not a duplicate gift. If I'm wrong, then what I took to be merely absurd is actually whatever is above absurd. Preposterous?

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I've never trusted tortoises. Or turtles, for that matter.

Girl's got skills!!!

Maybe he should have practiced before he got out the camera.

When we were little we thought the Pizza Man invented the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Obviously,  we were wrong (because we were stupid, ya see!)

(via thefrogman.me)

So we don't usually post music videos here, but this one is just too insane to pass up. It a rap song that involves Ninjas, a cute girl on a bed, and a guy/creature we've seen on YouTube that gave us nightmares for days,. The band is called Die Antwoord and the song is "Enter The Ninja." Things don't get going till around the 1 minute mark, so make sure you stick around for the insanity.

In case you're just as confused as we are, here's an interview they did with Vice Magazine. It should clear everything or nothing up.