This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

Tom Cruise got fired, Israel is fired up, and Survivor is heating up… with racism! Philip Norris has the stories, unless he embarrasses himself trying to rap.

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

Terrorists go to jail, Robin Williams goes to rehab, and Heather Mills goes fence-hopping. Philip Norris has the stories… and photos of Suri?

Mel faces Jail, New York faces heat, and Paris faces the press (and looks dumb). Philip Norris has the latest, and doesn’t have sex with boys!

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

Will K-Fed’s alleged cheating be the straw that breaks the crying, pregnant camel’s back?

Is Suri Cruise an imaginary baby? Which game system is for racists? Which celebrity roof caught on fire? Philip Norris has the answers!

This week Britney can chew gum and lie at the same time, Stephen Hawking is a cripple, Daryl Hannah was arrested, and Brad Pitt is making Zombie Movies.

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Hear Philip Norris' plan to solve America's addiction to gas - the Charlie Sheen way!

The Mexican immigrants of the world aren’t being heard loud enough and Philip Norris has some ideas on who might lead them. Hint: one of them isn’t your mom.

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

This week Michael Douglas lashes out at Bradgenlina, Jessica Simpson is almost preggers, Kanye West is the next Oliver Stone and more!