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This year New Year’s Eve sucks, the donut man dies, New Orleans comes back to life, and your mom looks at porn.
This week somebody kills Santa, Morgan Freeman stops racism, people search for Britney Spears on the internets and Kevin Federline drives a Ferrari. Not much going on.
This week Dubya’s poll numbers are in the toilet, Lindsay Lohan wants to get married, Paris’ boytoy crashes a Bentley, and more celeb debauchery.
This week Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston hook up, Bush and Bono have lunch together, Michael Jackson gets called for jury duty and other signs the world is a truly crunked-up place.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.