Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

Philip Norris discusses the art of the celebrity sex tape.

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

This week Britney has ADD, Lindsay Lohan's dad has a noonie, and the writers strike...gold!

This week Lou Berk sit down with Lindsay Lohan to discuss her recent arrest! An LG Exclusive!

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

This week Lindsay Lohan admits that she’s skinny and that she’s done snorting drugs. Yeah, whatever Lindsay!

This week Dubya’s poll numbers are in the toilet, Lindsay Lohan wants to get married, Paris’ boytoy crashes a Bentley, and more celeb debauchery.

This week K-Fed’s rap song leaks on the internet, Leonardo DiCaprio breaks up with Gisele, and Mohammad Ali comes face to face with the Angel of Death.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.