This week Lou grills Harry Potter on the final book, and finds out whether he dies or not!

Philip Norris can't afford gas, and so can't you. It's okay, he has a couple solutions.

You think Batman was rich before, wait until he rakes in all of this box office money!

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

Eliot Spitzer will go down in history as one of the biggest idiots in politics... ever! And he loves whores.

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

This week Lour Berk talks to Dumbledore about his gayness and why he’s so gay.

This week Lou Berk sits down with Oscar de la Hoya and asks him why he dresses like a whore.

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

LG news takes a peek into the future to see what will become of David Beckham now that he’s calling California home.

Liquid Generation’s very own Human Interest Robot interviews a Hippie to find out why he’s getting all whiney over Thanksgiving.

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

Tom Cruise got fired, Israel is fired up, and Survivor is heating up… with racism! Philip Norris has the stories, unless he embarrasses himself trying to rap.

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.