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This week Britney Spears almost kills her child, the world almost explodes, and other heartbreaking things that make you happy.
This week Hooters Casino opens in Las Vegas, a Full House actress is addicted to crystal meth, and there’s a Superbowl game or something.
This week Angelina Jolie is pregnant, New Jersey has a new slogan, Pam Anderson hates KFC, and David Hassellhoff is getting a divorce!
This week your family celebrates a holiday, Elton John gets married, New Yorkers walk to work, and the inventor of the internets starts a blog.
This week somebody kills Santa, Morgan Freeman stops racism, people search for Britney Spears on the internets and Kevin Federline drives a Ferrari. Not much going on.
This week the world got a glimpse of Jennifer Aniston’s boobies, winter storms made everyone stay indoors and talk to their families, and Mel Gibson does the Holocaust.
This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!
This week Dubya’s poll numbers are in the toilet, Lindsay Lohan wants to get married, Paris’ boytoy crashes a Bentley, and more celeb debauchery.
This week a Star Trek cast member comes out of the closet, Stallone wants to do another Rambo, and there might be another crazy Jackson on the loose.
This week Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston hook up, Bush and Bono have lunch together, Michael Jackson gets called for jury duty and other signs the world is a truly crunked-up place.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.