This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

Star Jones wallows in self pity, Wacko Jacko moves to Europe and Jessica isn’t good enough for Dallas.

This week Britney can chew gum and lie at the same time, Stephen Hawking is a cripple, Daryl Hannah was arrested, and Brad Pitt is making Zombie Movies.

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

Someone had sex with Anna Nicole and Batwoman is a huge lesbo.

Taylor Hicks wins Idol. America wins a giant text messaging bill.

Hollywood’s got our kids dressing in black face. Oh Mammy!

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

This week Philip Norris and LiquidGeneration announce that they are calling a truce with Hollywood. Who do we want to make nice with? Who do we want to continue to bash? Tune in!

This week Philip Norris unloads on the real reason LiquidGeneration is moving to Los Angeles: to bask in the God-like radiance that is Gary Booth’s Toothy Smile.

This week Dick Cheney shoots a man, TomKat almost breaks up, and Kid Rock and Scott Stapp touch magic sticks. Disgusting, weird and newsworthy.