This week Philip Norris defends a horny teacher’s right to sleep with one of his or her students. Sexy!

Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

This week Philip Norris comments on Hugh Hefners comment about Miley Cyrus in Playboy, and how people are into some weird sex crap.

Philip Norris can't afford gas, and so can't you. It's okay, he has a couple solutions.

Jamie Lynn Spears has had her illegitimate child. Congrats Jamie Lynn, you are officially more white trash than your sister!

This week Philip Norris explains why you have really bad taste in movies. BTW Jared Leto is a tool.

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

This week Britney has ADD, Lindsay Lohan's dad has a noonie, and the writers strike...gold!

This week Philip Norris brings you the week’s most fabulously racist news.

This week Lou Berk sits down with Oscar de la Hoya and asks him why he dresses like a whore.

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

This week Lou Berk sits down with Britney Spears’ mom, who allegedly had a sexual affair with Kevin Federline.

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

This week a new face is added to the LG news crew. Lou Berk, our crotchety newsman, speaks with Paris Hilton live from her Five Star Jail Cell.

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.