This week Philip Norris gives you the lowdown on who to vote for in the upcoming election.

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten herself all preggers! We do not need any more Spears children in this world!

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

In LG’s exclusive new interview with drunken Idol host Paula Abdul, she gives us her spaced out ideas on The Middle East.

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.