Philip Norris explains why Adam Lambert lost American Idol and why Americans hate the gays. Good Times!

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

American Idol is finally over. Now I can get beck to my normal life of listening to non-crappy music.

Paula Abdul screwed up and now everybody knows that American Idol is fake!

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

This week your pal Philip Norris rants about how big of an idiot Richie Sambora is for driving drunk with his 10-year-old daughter in the car.

This week’s guest is terribly upset that an 8-limbed baby from India is ripping off his style.

This week Lou Berk sit down with Lindsay Lohan to discuss her recent arrest! An LG Exclusive!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Did you see Simon Cowell roll his eyes at Chris Richardson during American Idol? According this video, Simon has a history of being a heartless bastard.

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

The war between Donald Trump and Rosie "Chubs" O'Donnell is heating up. Watch Trump's response to Rosie's childish attack. An LG NEWS exclusive!

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

Is Suri Cruise an imaginary baby? Which game system is for racists? Which celebrity roof caught on fire? Philip Norris has the answers!

This week Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, but even more important they celebrate the new Xbox 360. We’re there to tell you about it.

Finally, Chewbacca becomes an American, TomKat has boring sex, Mary-Kate quits college, and other stuff we really can’t remember right now.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.