Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

Philip Norris can't afford gas, and so can't you. It's okay, he has a couple solutions.

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

This week Philip Norris talks about how Amy Winehouse hates everyone that's not white. What color is she anyway?

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged! Now that they got that out of the way... time for the divorce!

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

Heath Ledger is dead and Philip Norris is angry. Find out why, and what his rant has to do with soccer balls!

This week Philip Norris interviews Britney Spears’ kids! Are they drunk?

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

LG news takes a peek into the future to see what will become of David Beckham now that he’s calling California home.

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

This week Philip Norris and LiquidGeneration announce that they are calling a truce with Hollywood. Who do we want to make nice with? Who do we want to continue to bash? Tune in!

This week the internet made fun of Chuck Norris, the Golden Globes bored people, Jolie and Pitt hyphenate they’re kids’ names, and Goatse frightens your friend.

This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!

This week Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, but even more important they celebrate the new Xbox 360. We’re there to tell you about it.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.