The year is 2012 and the Kardashian family's giant boobs, butt, and stupidity have taken over the world. It's your job to put a stop to them.

I cannot believe Kim Kardashian's wedding was considered a genuine media event.

Think of it as another reason not to to drugs.

Finally. FIN-A-LLY. Our dream woman with the dream boobs and dream ass is single. Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are over. We don't know why yet, but we can only guess it has something to do with Reggie maybe realizing he's gay, because HOW WOULD ANY STRAIGHT MAN BREAK UP WITH KIM KARDASHIAN? We don't care if her brain is filled with Cracker Jacks or her family is bats**t insane or her stepfather's face looks like a lizard (Hi, Mr. Jenner!). AHHHHHH! KIM KARDASHIAN IS SINGLE! Those words give us hope that our penis doesn't have to live a lifetime without the gentle caress of Kim's booby body.

Below are the only two photos of Kim Kardashian that really matter.

I just finished reading the January / February issue of M Magazine cover to cover. Along the way I discovered so many crazy secrets that had me going OMG 4 DAYZ and LOLZING all over the place.

I found that there is a famous kid named BooBoo, Miley Cyrus and her grandma are actually twins (the details as to what kind of time travel or cryogenic freezing was involved are hazy), Kim Kardashian loves big juicy hotdogs, and only Taylor Swift's brother Austin knows that she has a Britney Spears poster hanging in her bathroom! Oops! I just spilled that! OMG now EVERYONE KNOWS!

Don't think for a second that I didn't find some things out about myself, too. I learned that, as a middle child, I am "a total peacemaker who can solve fights that break out (solving fights is harder than solving puzzles)," and I also found out that I am going to catch my crush with sweetness and by not being in the middle of "drama-rama."

With every page turned, I found something more and more amazing, and on the last page, I discovered my favorite section of M Magazine. No SILLY! Not the end! OMG I totes never wanted to finish reading! No, I found the M Comics section!

The M Comics section is soooooo nutz! Demi ate some pizza and then, and then she, she farted in Frankie's face playing Twister! Yeah! He totally got "fart bombed!" Then, then you won't believe it! Noah and Frankie silly stringed "Niley" right when they are about to kiss! I almost died TOTES LOLZ OMG. The "lil sibs do rule!"

Now that I am done with this issue, I guess I will just have to follow @M_Magazine on Twitter to stay up to date on all my celeb gossip until next month's issue comes out!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration this week.

If there's one thing we approve of, it's candy. Always candy. Forever. Especially when it's Kim Kardashian's.

Helga Mohammed el-Salami's New Year resolution is to get in shape.

Why don't fellow Muslims appreciate it?

Love,

Helga Mohammed el-Salami

http://www.helgasmailroom.com

If that little girl was us we'd totally be like NOM NOM NOM not WHA WHA WHA. Get a grip girl, they're just boobies.

Ladies and Gentleman, because we're a bit retarded and love a good throwback to the days when creating games that inflicted imaginary harm upon celebrities were not only frowned upon, BUT ALSO CELEBRATED (!), we have for you: Kill The Kardashians. For those of you who believe that this game is crass, wrong, disgusting and morally reprehensible: you are right. But you're also wrong, because we have no doubt - none in the world! - that you also believe Sponge Bob Square Pants is the reason your child is gay. Or something like that. Now to the offended, get back to work. For those of you who want to waste a little more of your company's time playing a fun game insteading of browsing Craigslist for bodies you can kidnap and keep in your closet, enjoy.

Play the game.

P.S. And yes, we still believe Kim Kardashian is one of the hottest woman in the world.