"Oh lady you don't know what you have done here. I am going to eat the hell out of your shoes. Prepare yourself!"

David Letterman sat down with Paris Hilton and asked her about the only thing he finds interesting in her career, jail time. The results are awkward and priceless.

Proof that the squirrel the in your backyard will do pretty much anything to steal food from your bird feeder.

This little monkey was abandoned by his mother and has made a curious friend in a zoo pigeon. The two are inseparable… awww!

Miss Mary dresses like Mrs. Finch from "Follow that Bird". She looks like she escaped from the mental wing of Shady Pines retirement community. Get a new look granny!

Pete Doherty is seen here forcing his cat to take a hit off a crack pipe. We personally hope this lands that sick little gerbil fart a few years in jail.

Don’t mess with Kirstie, she is hungry and isn't in the mood for any of your crap! Maybe she was angry the Chinese Restaurant didn't have FETTUCCINE!

Paris went to a Playboy party last night dressed like Paris. Jail time can't keep a good slut down.

Mass exodus from a huge outdoor concert? People flocking to visit Paris Hilton in jail? Hard to say....

This week a new face is added to the LG news crew. Lou Berk, our crotchety newsman, speaks with Paris Hilton live from her Five Star Jail Cell.

"Stars Are Blind" remade by a sexy fake-Paris into an "autobiographical" story about going to jail. She gets cozy with the sheriff! Oh yeah!

This morning (June 8, 2007) Paris Hilton was cuffed and taken by squad car after a judge has ordered her back in court.... and back to JAIL!!

Watch Paris Hilton in jail right now! It's live! It's boring! It's a great way to spend the afternoon!

Everybody in the whole cell block was rocking to the jail boob rock.

Paris Hilton got sentenced to 45 days in jail! YAY!!!!

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Watch the mom from Malcolm in the Middle get all schizo on a rude beeyotch in a parking lot! You have to see to believe!

Everybody gots to gets drunk. Even Sleepy The Bird.

Faith Hill pitched a fit when she lost an award to Carrie Underwood. I had country, but that chick's a beeyotch.

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.