Not a good idea.

Would you stick your finger inside this hole.

From the inside right lane, equals stupidity.

Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?

Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.

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The view from the inside.

This is exactly why you're supposed to keep body parts inside moving vehicles.

Even if plastic surgery can't fix what's inside, it can provide a serious distraction.

(Look at my boobs, now look at my dent.....look at my boobs, now look at my dent. You're growing sleepy and sympathetic to my problems.)

You know, there's nothing in the world we'd rather eat first thing in the morning than an Oreo cookie stuffed with about 20 billion Oreo cookies worth of frosty filling. JOKES! Really, we want to vomit. And because we're evil on the inside (not creamy!), we're posting this for you because we want you to vomit, too!

Inside Edition did a little makeover of Snooki and all we can say is BAM BLOOM BAM POW -- wait. She still looks pretty easy and stupid. She also looks at least 35, and like one of those aliens on V. IT'S HARD BEING A GUIDETTE.

(via Huffington Post - BTW, aren't they a political site. Why are they posting this stuff?)

Less than 5 pages into the magazine I came across this article about Serena Williams' recent tennis win against Mother Nature (must be Mick Foley's cousin).  Apparently, Serena shut Mother Nature out in straight sets, proving not only herself as THE dominant force in women's tennis, but also showing great ethical fortitude, as apparently Mother Nature has been trying to bribe her by sending her a gift every month.

Google makes it way to easy to figure out what's going on in each other's heads. We prefer to times when we were stupid, ignorant and sexiest and Google wasn't all up in our business. Now every chick is going to know that all we want from them is to shave. DAMN THE WORLD, DAMN GOOGLE.

I have no idea what Michael Jordan's been doing since he retired from basketball, but apparently he's been sucking at Twitter. Badly. Almost everyday. This peak inside his brain makes us believe that he might be the most boring super talented person in the world. He's defintely no Shaq, whose tweets routinely make us go lolwhut (lolwhu!?!). Here's a sample of the basketball legend's greatest non-hits:

Clearly, Michael Jordan is your 55-year-old mom with a huge crush on somebody.

This is the only he can say about the New Years? You ate too many shrimp. You're a legend and this is your only comment about NYE. Fantastic. At least we know we had a better NYE than somebody.

TWO HANDS TOGETHER, PEOPLE. LET'S CLAP IT UP. MICHAEL JORDAN DOES WHAT I DO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AFTER DRINKING A 24 PACK OF PABST.

Clearly, Gizmodo should hire this guy.

Ok, we have to hand it to MJ. This is a question worth asking. If you're 4-years-old. Or high. He was probably high.

If you'd like periodic updates from LG, you can follow us on Twitter @liquidgen. We promise to be just as boring as MJ and not spam you.

You've seen them on game shows. You've seen them in sushi restaurants. Japanese people are everywhere, and they're even inside your computer monitor, dancing like morons.

For some reason a box of Sprinkles Cupcakes, Mrs. Fields Cookies, and some leftover Halloween cookies were sitting on an empty desk inside LG Headquarters. So was a bottle of the weightloss drug Zantrex (we have no idea how that got there...perhaps somebody is sending us a message? Collectively, the company only weights 50000 billion pounds so I don't what that message can be). Anyway, thought we'd open up an LG store to give some of this stuff away (except the Zantrex!). If you'd like any of these things please let us know. Or if you have any other questions or complaints. Our email talkback@liquidgeneration.com!