Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

How much do you want to bet that alcohol just never worked for this guy? He then turned to hypnosis and found Earth girls are easy.

What could possibly go wrong? We'll blindfold her and guide her with our voices. This is great unless she is deaf, dumb or both.

Seriously, someone just needs to take this poor girl aside and euthanize her. Was their a shortage of classy dresses in her trailer? Is she trying to turn guys gay? WHY GOD WHY!?

Just when you were really getting sick of Simon Cowell making fun of our precious American Idol retards, he throws us this crazy girl from his homeland.

The rules have changed at Hooters. If you joke about the "scenery" they will use your body as a barbell.

This has two of the internet's favorite genres. "Person smacking face into floor" and "brief shot up the skirt of a pretty girl".

Next time you are unsure what electronic emotion your cat is trying to express, consult this guide and enjoy hours of fun.

Jessica Alba was apparently freezing on the set of her new Movie, "The Eye". Jessica plays a blind girl who doesn’t believe in bras.

Not so smug anymore, are you France? This girl did not receive the gold in "bladder control".

Four girls posed for a hot MySpace booty shot. Look closely and you'll see the girl who will shoot them tomorrow after study hall.

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Maybe these girls aren't really fighting, but it looks like they are really trying to slap the hell out of each other. Latent hostility, anyone?

Episode one of The Guild, in which we meet the poor souls trapped within the world of internet gaming. Wait a minute… hot girls don’t play video games. What a rip, FAKE! Go to Watchtheguild.com for more info!

What a clever photoshoot! A girl as useless as a Barbie, poses as a doll!

Just because there's a camera that takes your picture on a roller coaster doesn't mean you can punch a girl.

Pam Anderson and David Spade were caught playing "slutty Hooters girl and handsy buffalo wings lover" recently, and now I'm totally freaked out. Gross.

During a Pussy Cat Dolls performance, one of the girls almost lost a boob out of the bottom off her cropped shirt! Unfortunately for the world, it was the ugliest Doll.

See if you can tell the difference between real photos of famous girls whoring it up for the camera and Photoshopped forgeries.

Posh Spice stands over an American flag as the Spice Girls reunite.