In honor of today's date, enjoy our list of conservative and Republican pot smokers.

You're going to end up at a lot of parties in the next 10 days. Some good, most horrendous. Here  are a few tips for getting out of a couple bad holiday situations.

Problem: Bad Party with more old people at it than you expected. What I do: Guerilla warfare. There's a laundry list of things you can do to destroy a party from within. Number one is clog the main toilet. This can shorten a party by hours, and if it's a small apartment with only one bathroom, you could bring it to a screeching halt right then and there. The best way to do this is with paper towels. Toilet paper is made to break up in water; paper towels are made to keep their structure as well as possible. Smuggle paper towels into the bathroom. This might be tough to pull off; if people are around, do it one at a time, like how Andy Dufresne smuggled the pieces of his cell wall into the yard in Shawshank Redemption. When you have a bunch, flush 'em. Once the problem is known to the host, say something like "thanks for having us, looks like you've got your hands full, though!"
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Probably the first of many lists, we'll see.

The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.

Sociopathlete: Lawrence Taylor, former Linebacker, New York Giants
The real LT appeared in court the other day to claim that police violated his rights when they entered a hotel room he was sleeping in to seize evidence that he had paid a sixteen-year-old runaway $300 for sex. Court papers in a related but separate case say he admitted to sex acts with the girl. What they don't say is that LT didn't even practice soliciting prostitutes during the week, he just showed up on soliciting-prostitutes-day and made it happen. But at least he's taking it seriously.

Sociopathlete: Albert Haynesworth, Defensive Lineman, Washington Redskins
Brett Favre made the list last time for doing his job. Haynesworth makes it for refusing to do his. Coach Mike Shanahan suspended him for the final four games of the season without pay. Haynesworth didn't want to play nose tackle in the team's 3-4 defense. But he also didn't want to find a new team and give up his 21 million dollar contract bonus. So he just stayed on, but also didn't do his job - the best of both worlds. He also needed 10 days to pass a conditioning test at the start of training camp, showing that you don't need athleticism to have sociopathleticism.

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Not every celebrity sex tape listed, was released to the public. For good reason, who wants to see John Edwards go at it?

What's the deal with weathermen? They are like the Ed Hardy of the nightly news world. Total d-bags. A quick search throught the LiquidGeneration archives show you that if you've failed at life you're most likely a weatherman for the 11 o'clock news. We imagine most weathermen (oh sorry, meteorologists!) are sad, alcoholic cocaine addicted wife beaters for some reason. We have nothing to back this up, it's just a feeling we have (intuition, bitches!).  Anyway, another weatherman was acting like a complete asshat recently and we thought you'd like to know about it. He talks about his pee pee.

I have heard so much about the new Mac Tablet that I almost want to get one myself... even though they supposedly don't exist, and if they do, no one has ever seen one, besides Willy Wonka... uhh, I mean Steve Jobs and his Oompa-Loompas.

So much speculation has gone into what these magical tablets are going to look like and what they are going to do, and yet no one has thought about how these new devices are going to affect the way we see celebrities.

Lucky for you guys, I know a thing or two about magic too, Photoshop magic. Using my Photoshop magic I was able to whip up some images of what we all have to look forward to from some of your favorite celebs once the Mac Tablet flies into Apple stores via the glass elevator.

Before the Mac Tablet, Pete Wentz was kind of a playful d-bag. When the Mac Tablet comes out, Ashley Simpson still won't be able to sing, but he will be an even more playful d-bag, even more overly impressed by his own cleverness and long eyelashes.

P.S. - Expect someone like Rob Zombie or Robin Williams to show up on the VMA's dressed like Moses and carrying two Mac Tablets with the twelve commandments (possibly of rock and roll). Trust me. 

Sincerely,

Charles McCarthy
IdeasbyChuck.com

Glen Bell, the founder of both Taco Bell and Wienerschnitzel, died on Saturday at the age of 86.

I know that this news has deeply effected several of my friends... one friend in particular... When my friends are sad, I get sad, so I am... sad.

I got sadder just now, when I went to the Taco Bell and Wienerschnitzel websites and discovered that neither had made any kind of move to honor or even acknowledge the passing of the man who gave them life, the man who gave their taste flavor combinations to the world.

So, I urge all of you to post these commemorative Glen Bell is dead, death logos on your own websites, blogs, and Friendster pages to honor his last... run for the boarder.

Here is a list of fun facts about Glen Bell that I put together, so you can share when people ask why they should care.

1. He FOUNDED Taco Bell. What else do you want?

2. He co-founded Wienerschnitzel. They have a new Coney Island Dog.

3. He divorced his first wife Dorothy because she didn't like Mexican food.

4. While in the marines he loved food so much that he was assigned to be a waiter.

5. A former employee of his at Taco Bell founded Del Taco. Yeah! This guy is directly responsible for Del Taco too!

6. He looked great in a sombrero.

Look, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this, and yes, just like you, I think it's kinda creepy and weird, but I'm pretty sure Dakota Fanning and I are going to start dating soon.

I have never met D-Fan, but after reading her interview in M Magazine, I feel like I have known her my entire life, or at least her entire life. She likes arts and crafts like knitting, and I have an art degree. Plus, my mom likes to crochet, which is like knitting for people who you don't want to trust with two sharp metal objects. She is a cheerleader at her high school, and I went to high school. She is in the Twilight movie series, and I want to be in the last Twilight movie.

Okay, so those are all nice things to have in common, but you are probably saying to yourself, "Chuck, Dakota Fanning doesn't want to date you."

You're probably right. She probably doesn't want to date me.

GUESS WHAT. I don't want to date her either. I don't like blondes from No-Ho, and home schooled kids creep me out. I don't care if she isn't home schooled anymore (all information "dished" and "spilled" in the M Magazine article).

WE don't want to date each other, but...

...her parents, managers, agents, paparazzi, magazine publishers, Perez Hilton, and TMZ do (this is an curtailed list).

Everyone around her is itching for her to shed her little girl image and move into the role of leading lady sexpot. Just look at the latest cover of V Magazine. They are doing everything they can to turn her into the next Heather Graham. What do you think Hounddog was all about, or her playing an all powerful evil force to be reckoned with in the Twilight movies? But, it's just not working, and they are scrambling for options. Miley Cyrus has already pulled the showing a little skin for Vanity Fair stunt. She can't "accidently" send naked pictures of herself to the press like those other Disney girls, or do a porn like Paris Hilton, because she is still underage, and her parents could face some serious jail time for something like that.

What's left?

Dating an older man... a much older man. A man of mystery... Someone who would really have people asking why... no really, why?

Who is that man? Me.

If she started dating Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, or even Josh Groban, people wouldn't be all that shocked or interested. They would be interested, and a little disturbed by the age difference, but Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise didn't catch that much scrutiny over their ages. They are both famous and good looking, but imagine what kind of media hell storm would erupt if I started dating Tom Cruise... I mean D-Fan.

Things I couldn't figure out how to work into this blog post but I really wanted to:

1.D-Fan once played a young Ellen Degeneress.

2. Dakota is next to Montana.

3. D-Fan might be a C-Fan someday, keep reading M Magazine for the scooped spilled dishes.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

Here is something from 2009 that didn't suck. Enjoy.

This got me to thinking about drugs, steroids, etc. The other day Mark McGwire admitted to juicing, and as this amazing animation illustrates all types of drugs have effected the game of baseball, and sports in general throughout the years.

I think that what needs to happen is that we need to stop trying to stop people from doing drugs, and just have all athletes admit what drugs they are on, have them listed like any other stats.

"Oh, I see here that the pitcher today is left handed and takes lithium and synthetic cat hormones."

How many basketball players smoke weed?

No really, how many? I thought you knew.

The point is that Doc Ellis was able to throw a No No on LSD and speed, but you give that same combination to Randy Johnson, and you might just see a little girl get her head ripped off... I'm not talking about a stray pitch either. I am talking about him walking over to the crowd and ripping a little girls head off because he thinks she is a bag of Doritos and The Big Unit loves Doritos... especially blonde Doritos.  

We should just be told what these guys are operating on, so that we can fully appreciate their performances.

Did this make any sense? I'm a little F'd up on whippets right now... Got to get ready for my big ultimate frisbee game.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

I am Chuck McCarthy or Charles McCarthy.

There are lots of Chuck McCarthy's in the world, but one in particular really has me in a fighting mood. What Chuck? The retired MMA fighter Charles/Chuck "Chainsaw" McCarthy.

Sure, I dominate Google searches for "Chuck McCarthy" but if you search "Charles McCarthy" this joker's Wikipedia entry is the first listing to come up. This pisses me off for a few reasons. One, I have probably played a more important role in the history of MMA in the United States than him (I refuse to back this statement up with any facts). Two, I don't have a Wikipedia entry. I've been on TV, on the radio, in magazines, and I've definitely been on the Internet... a LOT. Three, I am bigger and proabably tougher than this... this "Chainsaw." Four, where is my cool nickname? Don't I deserve a cool nickname? Haven't I at least earned that?

What am I going to do?

I can't fight Wikipedia. I can't fight Google. Well, I could, but not with my fists... and I don't think winning either of these fights would garner me a tough guy nickname like "Chainsaw."

What am I going to do?

An open letter to Charles "Chainsaw" McCarthy:

Dear Charles,

Charles "Chainsaw" McCarthy! I'm calling you out! I dare you to come out of retirement for one last fight against me for the rights to your Wikipedia entry, Google listing dominance, and nickname!

Obviously we will both need to get back in shape and train for a couple of months. I will probably try to get Forest Griffin to train me. I guess you can train with your old trainer, or maybe Mr. T can train you.

Our training could be covered like the HBO series 24/7 - Chuck vs. Chuck 24/7.  People are going to get pumped over our grudge match, especially Conan O'Brien, Notre Dame fans, Chuck Norris fans, and fans of NBC's Chuck.

So you aren't in the fighting mood anymore, but come on Chuck, are you really happy sitting at home in Florida, playing C.O.D. and getting BJs from your 19 year old stripper girlfriend? There has to be more to life than that... Don't get me wrong, that does sound pretty good, but don't tell me you don't miss the thrill of the fight. Yeah, I know she probably does it while you are playing and talking smack on your "headset" to Kimbo Slice about "head shots", but doesn't the OCTAGON call to you still?

One more fight... come on girly boy.

Sincerely,

Chuck "Soon to be Chainsaw" McCarthy

P.S. We shouldn't let the fact that we both look great with our shirts off go to waste.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

If you're going to watch a sloppy, drunken meth-head go on a car chase, you might as well watch this one. Why? Because it's FREAKING ZANY. What makes it zany!?! Benny Hill music, that's what. You can put Benny Hil music to Schindler's List and it will be the most hilarious thing in the world. In fact, we were just going to make a video of this to demonstrate but we just remembed we're Jewish.

We don't know why Michael Cera is hanging out with Jersey Shore's Pauly D, but we can only assume it's for a new movie role, where Michael plays an adorkably awkward kid from Connecticut who spends a summer at the Shore and fist pumps his way into the heart of every trashy, drunken whore on the boardwalk. There's also a hilarious scene where he enters a tanning salon and hijinks ensues! Here's to hoping.

More pics at Celebuzz. BTW, make sure to take our How Jersey Shore Are You quiz.

Look. Yeah we're going to keep posting about Tiger Woods because that's the only thing on the news right now. So unless Jeff Goldblum dies in the next twenty minutes or we just fall alseep while writing this post, this is what you're stuck with so just deal.

So far there are SEVEN girls (or NINE, nobody really knows) who have come out and said they banged Tiger Woods. That's a lot of secret phone numbers to keep in your secret iPhone which will eventually make it's way onto the internet so that your secret sexy sext messages and nude pictures will be seen by the world! Respect!

In case you were wondering which of his mistresses is the hottest, we've got that taken care of for you. We're even going to add Elin to the mix because we're worried she'll be jealous (she's suffered enough!). This was a relatively easy task because the girls all have their own look. None of them really look the same. It seems that Tiger's only requirment for banging a girl was that she had a vagina - that's it! So here we go...

8. Florida waitress, Mindy Lawton. She looks like one of our alcoholic neighbors. "WUD YOU LIKKKE MEE TOOO SEDUSH UUUUUUUUUUU!"

7. Rachel Uchitel. This an old photo of her. In her new photos she looks like this, but more plastic. And less like her lips are made of liver.

6. Don't know what Tiger saw in Jaimee Grubbs. We guess it's kind of cool that she was in Tool Academy. Wait. No we don't. There is nothing redeaming about this chick besides her taste in short red clothes. Moving on.

5. Porn star Holly Sampson. Now we're talking. Now we understand why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife: Elin obviously hated gay people. Holly Sampson supports gay people so much she's willing to wear a rainbow bikini on her boobs. That could be the only reason why he'd sleep with a porn star, right? RIGHT!?!

(click here to see the rest of the list)