Over speed bumps.

You really should slow down for them.

That guy laying on the ground has a lot of faith in his friend.

I would kill to have access to this Slip-N-Slide.

This looks like fun to me.

As some of you may have guessed, my thoughts on Christmas are a little conflicted. It's not like I have a vendetta against it like some people think. I mean, good for them. They managed to co-opt the solstice celebration. I'm not crazy about it, but it's not like I don't put up a tree and a few wreaths.

The thing that drives me nuts is the Santa Claus thing. Namely the notion that I invented Santa Claus to take the spotlight off Jesus during his birthday. Some say his name is "Santa" because it's just "Satan" with the "N" placed in front of the "T". I feel slightly insulted by the notion that I can turn into a serpent on a whim and tempt Eve out of paradise, but that when concocting a campaign to influence every Christian child in the world for hundreds of years I would just spell my name with a few letters switched around.

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Salma Hayek is one of those actresses we can never hate because one 1) she's ridiculously hot and 2) she doesn't speak English, which is fun because you can just ignore what comes out of her mouth and just stare at her. But if there's one word we do understand in this world it's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO." (Why do girls always say that around us?). Anyway, here's Salma and some other actresses getting interviewed and suddenly an OMGWTF IS THAT THING CRAWLING ON THE GROUND!?!?!

It was a snake. Probably a big one. 

Sure! You think having big boobs is the life, but no. You would be very, very wrong. Take this lady, for example. She can't move from her bed, but that's not all! She's speaking in foreign tongues -- and the same with everyone else in this video! They've been cursed by the devil!

Folks, we've been blessed with another Michael Jackson. Kinda. Here's a before and after of alledged steroid abuser/baseball player Sammy Sosa. Now we have no idea whether he bleaches his skin or has that crazy vitiglio disease, but we DO KNOW that his face looks squishy like a Madball. AMMIIRITTTTE GUYS?