Ugh. We identify too much with this. Too much. We are crying right now. Crying. We hope you, too, can feel his pain if you're not fat. Today, we're all fat kids.

Super Bowl Sunday is here. Before the game starts, find out how much you really know about football.

We'll gladly promote the douchecicles at PETA if they continue to show hot women making sex with vegetables.

The ocean, the world's largest toilet bowl.

Donkey Lips returned full force during a Super Bowl Ad for Amp Energy Drink, his casting tape is more disturbing.

Listen to what douche-baggery ensues when two Super Bowl quarterbacks talk to each other on the phone.

Why would Pepsi hire JT, Andy Samberg, and Tony Romo for a commercial? Because they know Coke is better, that's why.

Most of Texas blames Jessica Simpson for the Cowboys demise and wearing their hat before the Super Bowl is salt in the wounds.

Real men don't bet the spread, they bet the "tecmo".

The fact that a couple of balloons can bring soccer to a screeching halt is reason enough why the Super Bowl this weekend is where real "Football" is played.

Score a little credit for Scientology and Will Smith as his film proclaimed "Giants lose to Patriots for second time this season 23 to 7." LRH lives!

Bring those 16-0 Patriots fans down a peg by reminding them of their past with this horrific video from the 86 Super Bowl.

While you were pwning newbs in Halo 3, your grandparents were participating in a cross-country Wii bowling tourney. Retirement never looked so good.

John Madden claims he wanted to make video games more realistic. Watching this clip of Bo Jackson go crazy all over the field reminds us he took the fun out.

Slip 'n Slide's are universally acknowledged as unsafe. This hillbilly ignored common sense and threw his babies like he's trying to get a 7-10 split.

Now who halps me drag to fud bowl?

Froot Loops now have straws made of cereal to suck up your leftover milk! No more looking like a slob, drinking from the bowl.

Inexplicably, this dog wants whatever the thinks is at the bottom of this toilet bowl. And the toilet water pays the ultimate price.

Cuz mah bowl still emptah.

In 1985 the Chicago Bears won the Superbowl, and created the greatest rap video ever to celebrate. Now that they're up against the Colts for 2007's 'Bowl, we'd like to play this video as a loving tribute to a stupendous line-up. I love you, Sweetness. I love you, McMahon.