The PMS Home Shopping Network has an exclusive offer on the new Jonas Brothers' Purity Ring! Now you can't get laid either!

Watch this if you want to purchase a George W. Bush action figure. They snort fake cocaine!

The Suck My News Network's Philip Norris interviews our favorite popstar Britney Spears.

The PMS Homeshopping Network has the perfect gift for that anorexic, alcoholic, or whore in every family. Buy one today.

The Suck My News Network's Philip Norris interviews that hilarious terrorist Osama bin Laden.

Norbit (Eddie Murphy) has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong (Eddie Murphy). Things get worse when he's forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia (Eddie Murphy). Just when Norbit's hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate (Thandie Newton), moves back to town. In the comedy "Norbit," he'll show them all that nice guys sometimes finish first.

Do you have a special somone in your life? Send them a Norbit e-card! Norbit (Eddie Murphy) has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong (Eddie Murphy). Things get worse when he's forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia (Eddie Murphy). Just when Norbit's hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate (Thandie Newton), moves back to town. In the comedy "Norbit," he'll show them all that nice guys sometimes finish first.