News - Suck My News

I Got An iPhone!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:42:57 -0500

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

Rating: 0/5 | 2038 views | 2 comments

I Can't Afford Gas

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:35:09 -0500

Philip Norris can't afford gas, and so can't you. It's okay, he has a couple solutions.

Rating: 0/5 | 4976 views | 2 comments

Jamie Lynn Spears Is A Mom

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:01:11 -0500

Jamie Lynn Spears has had her illegitimate child. Congrats Jamie Lynn, you are officially more white trash than your sister!

Rating: 0/5 | 4081 views | 3 comments

Amy Winehouse Is Racist

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:45:44 -0500

This week Philip Norris talks about how Amy Winehouse hates everyone that's not white. What color is she anyway?

Rating: 0/5 | 3143 views | 3 comments

Obama or McCain?

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:57:25 -0500

This week Philip Norris gives you the lowdown on who to vote for in the upcoming election.

Rating: 0/5 | 2876 views | 0 comments

Lindsay Lohan's A Lesbo!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:06:09 -0500

Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

Rating: 0/5 | 5071 views | 2 comments

American Idol Is Finally Over!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 May 2008 18:14:28 -0500

American Idol is finally over. Now I can get beck to my normal life of listening to non-crappy music.

Rating: 0/5 | 2635 views | 2 comments

Britney Spears Is Pregnant!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:57:15 -0500

Philip Norris discusses the fact the Britney Spears might be pregnant and who the father could be.

Rating: 0/5 | 4245 views | 4 comments

Miley Cyrus In Playboy?

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:07:56 -0500

This week Philip Norris comments on Hugh Hefners comment about Miley Cyrus in Playboy, and how people are into some weird sex crap.

Rating: 0/5 | 22838 views | 3 comments

American Idol Is Fake!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:55:07 -0500

Paula Abdul screwed up and now everybody knows that American Idol is fake!

Rating: 0/5 | 6407 views | 5 comments

Megan Fox Is Foxy

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:51:11 -0500

She's Brian Austin Green's girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't respect her sexiest! Philip Norris has more...

Rating: 0/5 | 4537 views | 1 comments

Ashlee Simpson Preps For Divorce

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:45:03 -0500

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged! Now that they got that out of the way... time for the divorce!

Rating: 0/5 | 6372 views | 4 comments

Perez Hilton Should Die

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:26:07 -0500

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

Rating: 0/5 | 4742 views | 7 comments

Richie Sambora Is Drunk

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:24:07 -0500

This week your pal Philip Norris rants about how big of an idiot Richie Sambora is for driving drunk with his 10-year-old daughter in the car.

Rating: 0/5 | 2921 views | 1 comments

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape?

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:22:18 -0500

Philip Norris discusses the art of the celebrity sex tape.

Rating: 0/5 | 56944 views | 8 comments

Eliot Spitzer Hearts Whores

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:16:45 -0500

Eliot Spitzer will go down in history as one of the biggest idiots in politics... ever! And he loves whores.

Rating: 0/5 | 4854 views | 5 comments

Oscars Didn't Miss Jared Leto

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:48:31 -0500

This week Philip Norris explains why you have really bad taste in movies. BTW Jared Leto is a tool.

Rating: 0/5 | 6386 views | 4 comments

Lindsay Lohan's Nude Photos Will Kill You

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 11:53:09 -0500

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

Rating: 0/5 | 64291 views | 11 comments

Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy Is Gay!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:04:59 -0500

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

Rating: 0/5 | 8889 views | 5 comments

Vote For Me 2008!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:33:04 -0500

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

Rating: 0/5 | 9262 views | 10 comments

Apology To Heath Ledger Fans

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:59:57 -0500

Philip Norris discusses last week's news report about Heath Ledger's death and celebrity drinking and drug use.

Rating: 0/5 | 10380 views | 23 comments

Heath Ledger Is Dead

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:33:01 -0500

Heath Ledger is dead and Philip Norris is angry. Find out why, and what his rant has to do with soccer balls!

Rating: 0/5 | 7128 views | 24 comments

Britney Spears Found Jesus

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 18:52:14 -0500

After Britney Spears ditched out on yet another custody hearing, she went to church! Has Britney finally found The Jesus!

Rating: 0/5 | 10127 views | 4 comments

Jessica Alba's Preggers!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:21:36 -0500

This week Philip Norris is appalled that Jessica Alba would destroy her body by getting pregnant.

Rating: 0/5 | 79616 views | 8 comments

Jamie Lynn Spears Knocked Up!

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:17:15 -0500

Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten herself all preggers! We do not need any more Spears children in this world!

Rating: 0/5 | 105217 views | 9 comments

Britney And Paris Are Lesbians

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 20:13:08 -0500

This week Britney, Paris and Jodie Foster get gay together, Scrooge McDuck is mistaken for Donald Trump and David Blaine is on drugs.

Rating: 0/5 | 60654 views | 7 comments

Paris Hilton's Easy-Nooj 2006

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:48:19 -0500

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

Rating: 0/5 | 33698 views | 9 comments

Britney Spears Has ADD

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:24:25 -0500

This week Britney has ADD, Lindsay Lohan's dad has a noonie, and the writers strike...gold!

Rating: 0/5 | 14719 views | 6 comments

Dog The Bounty Hunter Is A Honky

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:34:27 -0500

This week Philip Norris brings you the week’s most fabulously racist news.

Rating: 0/5 | 13683 views | 5 comments

Britney Spears Can't Hear You

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:35:03 -0500

This week Britney loses her kids, David Copperfield rapes somebody, and other important worldly events. Philip Norris has the latest!

Rating: 0/5 | 11762 views | 4 comments

Interview With Britney's Kids

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 20:12:47 -0500

This week Philip Norris interviews Britney Spears’ kids! Are they drunk?

Rating: 0/5 | 10172 views | 11 comments

OJ Drinks Britney Under The Table

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:44:36 -0500

This week Philip Norris talks OJ, Britney and all those other people you love to hate.

Rating: 0/5 | 6343 views | 3 comments

Paris Hilton Wants A Baby

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 18:19:59 -0500

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

Rating: 5/5 | 14194 views | 16 comments

Britney Spears: Mother of the Year

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 19:40:54 -0500

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Rating: 4.5/5 | 12677 views | 13 comments

SMN: Jessica Alba is a Golden Girl

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 20:28:55 -0500

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Rating: 2/5 | 11522 views | 18 comments

SMN: The Beckhams In America

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:04:25 -0500

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Rating: 5/5 | 9128 views | 10 comments

Suck My News: America is #1

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:58:48 -0500

Philip Norris celebrates America’s independence by saluting all the reasons we totally kick ass.

Rating: 0/5 | 9599 views | 11 comments

Suck My News: The Return of Phillip Norris

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 20:12:27 -0500

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

Rating: 5/5 | 9835 views | 44 comments

News: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris' Laser Crotch

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 08:16:50 -0500

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Rating: 4/5 | 168726 views | 21 comments

LG Tag Teams the Star Wars Convention

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:01:22 -0500

Our interview team invaded the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration, to ask fans about Star Wars weddings, crazy costumes, and Anakin's cooter.

Rating: 5/5 | 2257 views | 7 comments

I Want To Be Paris Hilton's Lawyer

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:22:16 -0500

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

Rating: 5/5 | 10195 views | 1 comments

Prison Guys Gone Wild

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:34:40 -0500

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Rating: 5/5 | 18637 views | 5 comments

News: Simon Cowell, Heartless Bastard

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:37:22 -0500

Did you see Simon Cowell roll his eyes at Chris Richardson during American Idol? According this video, Simon has a history of being a heartless bastard.

Rating: 5/5 | 3597 views | 2 comments

News: American Idol's Little Exorcist

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:35:05 -0500

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

Rating: 3.6/5 | 8741 views | 1 comments

Liquid Generation Tag Teams Will Ferrell

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:30:54 -0500

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

Rating: 5/5 | 2975 views | 3 comments

News: James Cameron Totally Discovers Jesus

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:46:36 -0500

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

Rating: 3/5 | 3125 views | 3 comments

News: Human Interest Robot Saves Britney

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 07:50:38 -0500

Britney’s hit rock bottom, and only our robot reporter can save her now!

Rating: 5/5 | 3659 views | 2 comments

News: The Oprah Swimsuit Issue

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:31:58 -0500

Warning: Oprah Magazine’s response to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).

Rating: 0/5 | 782 views | 1 comments

News: The Nicole Richie DUI Chase

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 05:30:21 -0500

You heard about her DUI, now see Nicole Ritchie drunkenly tear up the roads. LG was on the scene!

Rating: 5/5 | 8589 views | 10 comments

News: A Tribute To Anna Nicole

Suck_My_News_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 05:11:01 -0500

Farewell Anna Nicole Smith. As we take one last look back at your life we take comfort in the fact that although your soul may have shaken off this mortal coil your silicone filled boobies will be around for centuries.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 5575 views | 3 comments