News - Suck-My-News

Protect Horny Teachers, Don't Jail Them

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This week Philip Norris defends a horny teacher’s right to sleep with one of his or her students. Sexy!

69192 views | 1 comments

American Idol Hates Gays

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:38:12 GMT

Philip Norris explains why Adam Lambert lost American Idol and why Americans hate the gays. Good Times!

16558 views | 3 comments

Lindsay Lohan's A Lesbo!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 17:06:09 GMT

Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

34459 views | 8 comments

Megan Fox Is Foxy

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:24:11 GMT

She's Brian Austin Green's girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't respect her sexiest! Philip Norris has more...

21591 views | 6 comments

Holiday Savings Tips

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:23:33 GMT

Philip Norris walks you through his five step plan on how to save on the Holidays during the recession. Look out Martha Stewart!

13006 views | 5 comments

Obama or McCain?

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:57:25 GMT

This week Philip Norris gives you the lowdown on who to vote for in the upcoming election.

18480 views | 7 comments

Miley Cyrus In Playboy?

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:07:56 GMT

This week Philip Norris comments on Hugh Hefners comment about Miley Cyrus in Playboy, and how people are into some weird sex crap.

150301 views | 14 comments

I Can't Afford Gas

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:35:09 GMT

Philip Norris can't afford gas, and so can't you. It's okay, he has a couple solutions.

14188 views | 8 comments

Batman Is Rich!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:38:10 GMT

You think Batman was rich before, wait until he rakes in all of this box office money!

9222 views | 1 comments

I Got An iPhone!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:42:57 GMT

Philip Norris gets an iPhone! Unfortunately he can't activate it, so he gives some solutions on what to do with it.

7322 views | 3 comments

Jamie Lynn Spears Is A Mom

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:01:11 GMT

Jamie Lynn Spears has had her illegitimate child. Congrats Jamie Lynn, you are officially more white trash than your sister!

8363 views | 4 comments

Amy Winehouse Is Racist

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:45:44 GMT

This week Philip Norris talks about how Amy Winehouse hates everyone that's not white. What color is she anyway?

7319 views | 3 comments

American Idol Is Finally Over!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 May 2008 18:14:28 GMT

American Idol is finally over. Now I can get beck to my normal life of listening to non-crappy music.

4493 views | 2 comments

Britney Spears Is Pregnant!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:57:15 GMT

Philip Norris discusses the fact the Britney Spears might be pregnant and who the father could be.

10348 views | 4 comments

American Idol Is Fake!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:55:07 GMT

Paula Abdul screwed up and now everybody knows that American Idol is fake!

8029 views | 7 comments

Ashlee Simpson Preps For Divorce

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:45:03 GMT

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged! Now that they got that out of the way... time for the divorce!

8264 views | 4 comments

Perez Hilton Should Die

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:26:07 GMT

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

6785 views | 9 comments

Richie Sambora Is Drunk

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:24:07 GMT

This week your pal Philip Norris rants about how big of an idiot Richie Sambora is for driving drunk with his 10-year-old daughter in the car.

4026 views | 1 comments

Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape?

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:22:18 GMT

Philip Norris discusses the art of the celebrity sex tape.

146776 views | 10 comments

Eliot Spitzer Hearts Whores

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:16:45 GMT

Eliot Spitzer will go down in history as one of the biggest idiots in politics... ever! And he loves whores.

7793 views | 5 comments

Oscars Didn't Miss Jared Leto

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:48:31 GMT

This week Philip Norris explains why you have really bad taste in movies. BTW Jared Leto is a tool.

7566 views | 4 comments

Lindsay Lohan's Nude Photos Will Kill You

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 11:53:09 GMT

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

90853 views | 11 comments

Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy Is Gay!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:04:59 GMT

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

10728 views | 5 comments

Vote For Me 2008!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:33:04 GMT

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

12056 views | 10 comments

Apology To Heath Ledger Fans

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:59:57 GMT

Philip Norris discusses last week's news report about Heath Ledger's death and celebrity drinking and drug use.

11619 views | 19 comments

Heath Ledger Is Dead

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:33:01 GMT

Heath Ledger is dead and Philip Norris is angry. Find out why, and what his rant has to do with soccer balls!

8213 views | 25 comments

Britney Spears Found Jesus

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 18:52:14 GMT

After Britney Spears ditched out on yet another custody hearing, she went to church! Has Britney finally found The Jesus!

11355 views | 5 comments

Jessica Alba's Preggers!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:21:36 GMT

This week Philip Norris is appalled that Jessica Alba would destroy her body by getting pregnant.

80868 views | 8 comments

Jamie Lynn Spears Knocked Up!

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:17:15 GMT

Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten herself all preggers! We do not need any more Spears children in this world!

106294 views | 9 comments

Britney And Paris Are Lesbians

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 20:13:08 GMT

This week Britney, Paris and Jodie Foster get gay together, Scrooge McDuck is mistaken for Donald Trump and David Blaine is on drugs.

72432 views | 7 comments

Paris Hilton's Easy-Nooj 2006

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:48:19 GMT

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

34574 views | 9 comments

Britney Spears Has ADD

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:24:25 GMT

This week Britney has ADD, Lindsay Lohan's dad has a noonie, and the writers strike...gold!

15441 views | 6 comments

Dog The Bounty Hunter Is A Honky

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:34:27 GMT

This week Philip Norris brings you the week’s most fabulously racist news.

14417 views | 5 comments

Britney Spears Can't Hear You

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:35:03 GMT

This week Britney loses her kids, David Copperfield rapes somebody, and other important worldly events. Philip Norris has the latest!

12180 views | 4 comments

Interview With Britney's Kids

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 20:12:47 GMT

This week Philip Norris interviews Britney Spears’ kids! Are they drunk?

10602 views | 11 comments

OJ Drinks Britney Under The Table

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:44:36 GMT

This week Philip Norris talks OJ, Britney and all those other people you love to hate.

6807 views | 4 comments

Paris Hilton Wants A Baby

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 18:19:59 GMT

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

14657 views | 16 comments

Britney Spears: Mother of the Year

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 19:40:54 GMT

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

13092 views | 13 comments

SMN: Jessica Alba is a Golden Girl

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 20:28:55 GMT

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

11929 views | 18 comments

SMN: The Beckhams In America

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:04:25 GMT

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

9524 views | 10 comments

Suck My News: America is #1

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:58:48 GMT

Philip Norris celebrates America’s independence by saluting all the reasons we totally kick ass.

10516 views | 11 comments

Suck My News: The Return of Phillip Norris

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 20:12:27 GMT

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

10696 views | 44 comments

News: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris' Laser Crotch

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 08:16:50 GMT

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

169428 views | 22 comments

LG Tag Teams the Star Wars Convention

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:01:22 GMT

Our interview team invaded the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration, to ask fans about Star Wars weddings, crazy costumes, and Anakin's cooter.

2464 views | 7 comments

I Want To Be Paris Hilton's Lawyer

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:22:16 GMT

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

10417 views | 1 comments

Prison Guys Gone Wild

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:34:40 GMT

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

19366 views | 5 comments

News: Simon Cowell, Heartless Bastard

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:37:22 GMT

Did you see Simon Cowell roll his eyes at Chris Richardson during American Idol? According this video, Simon has a history of being a heartless bastard.

3800 views | 2 comments

News: American Idol's Little Exorcist

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:35:05 GMT

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

8970 views | 1 comments

Liquid Generation Tag Teams Will Ferrell

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:30:54 GMT

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

3176 views | 3 comments

News: James Cameron Totally Discovers Jesus

Suck-My-News_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:46:36 GMT

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

3317 views | 3 comments