We hear the sound of opportunity knocking on Pat Morita's door.

This is cruel. When our friends pass out all we do is eat them.

"Dude, so last night, I banged this awesome 5-inch plastic doll. I think she liked it."

Yes, but how old do you have to be?

Actually, we'd totally hit this.

This kid is so going to regret this when he gets older.

We refuse to believe this is real.

You know a fat person is hungry when…

Not until we finally know whether the carpet matches the curtains.

This fish also drinks Michelob and beats his wife.

Why do ugly people always have to ruin the fun?

Usually all it takes is coffee to make our ass explode.

The most intense game of Jenga ever.

This kid should be locked up and put in jail for molesting that innocent doll.

This new version of Microsoft Word will now recognize Ebonics and 50 Cent's cottage cheese mouth.

She's suddenly not the MILF we remember her as.

All those punk rock girls you see on the street won't age well, too. We'd hate to see a back tattoo on our grandma

This sh*t is bananas.

This is why Nick Lachey kicked Jessica Simpson to the curb. It's better to cut your losses when you're ahead. Or a dick.

This is way too compicated, dude! We'll shave grandma's back!