This week Britney can chew gum and lie at the same time, Stephen Hawking is a cripple, Daryl Hannah was arrested, and Brad Pitt is making Zombie Movies.

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

Someone had sex with Anna Nicole and Batwoman is a huge lesbo.

Taylor Hicks wins Idol. America wins a giant text messaging bill.

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Hollywood’s got our kids dressing in black face. Oh Mammy!

Hear Philip Norris' plan to solve America's addiction to gas - the Charlie Sheen way!

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

The Mexican immigrants of the world aren’t being heard loud enough and Philip Norris has some ideas on who might lead them. Hint: one of them isn’t your mom.

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

This week Michael Douglas lashes out at Bradgenlina, Jessica Simpson is almost preggers, Kanye West is the next Oliver Stone and more!

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

This week Philip Norris and LiquidGeneration announce that they are calling a truce with Hollywood. Who do we want to make nice with? Who do we want to continue to bash? Tune in!

This week Philip Norris unloads on the real reason LiquidGeneration is moving to Los Angeles: to bask in the God-like radiance that is Gary Booth’s Toothy Smile.

This week Dick Cheney shoots a man, TomKat almost breaks up, and Kid Rock and Scott Stapp touch magic sticks. Disgusting, weird and newsworthy.

This week Britney Spears almost kills her child, the world almost explodes, and other heartbreaking things that make you happy.

This week Hooters Casino opens in Las Vegas, a Full House actress is addicted to crystal meth, and there’s a Superbowl game or something.

This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.

This week the internet made fun of Chuck Norris, the Golden Globes bored people, Jolie and Pitt hyphenate they’re kids’ names, and Goatse frightens your friend.