Jessica Alba Turned Into Drooling, Bear Humping Slob

You know those American Apparel ads? The ones of hipsters looking all sweaty and naked and hipster-like? If they usually make your skin crawl like they do mine, then you should probably be OUTRAGED at what has happened to one of my -- and I'm sure your --  favorite-actress-that-you-would-so-like-to-marry-you some day. Photographer Terry Richardson took these photos of Jessica. I guess he's suppose to be good at taking pictures. They look a lot like the American Apparel ads...I don't know he takes the photos for them too, but I do know one thing for sure -- these Sleazy Alba photos exist and they shouldn't.

Sure some of you might be turned on by these, but you don't know the real Jessica. The Jessica in my dreams. The Jessica in my dreams doesn't hang out in damp basements chewing gum, humping bears and drooling all over herself. The Jessica in my dreams makes love with rainbows. And me.