Dear Nicole Richie and Her Formerly Phat Ass

Dear Nicole Richie and Her Formerly Phat Ass,

I was recently browsing our photos section and saw this amazing picture of your ass. At first I didn't know whose ass I was looking at, as it was pretty awesome and awesome asses belong to so few awesome females. But then i saw your face and I read the picture's description. This ass belonged to Nicole Richie. This as is pretty fine. But sadly, this ass is no more.

Nicole, now your ass is flat. It's nothing. It's like somebody deflated a soccer ball and stapled it to your torso. I think I speak for the majority of guys when I say that I'd rather have a big voluptuous ass in my face than that of Skeletor's. I don't think that this is just my personal preference. I think this is popular opinion. When you decided to get skinny and vomit your ass into the toilet (did you have a rack? I forget) I think you've got problems.

For the sake of those that love your fomer big butt, please bring it back.

Love,

Slippy Jenkins

P.S - I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Nicole Richie, buttless.