Brett Ratner and the Legend of the Coke Stone!

Okay, so after my blog yesterday I got abut A MILLION responses from you guys asking “what the hell is a coke stone”.  Well a coke stone is just about the most brilliant thing ever invented.  Ya see during the Renaissance, or some other long ago time, some genius artist like Picasso was like “DAMN IT!  I love doing coke but whenever I’m cutting it scratches up my awesome glass tables.”  So they got this idea.  This idea for a special surface you get installed into your home for the specific purpose of doing coke.  And since stones were the hardest material like ever COKE STONES were born! 

Coke stones are usually flat, shiny slabs of stone that you can get imbedded onto any surface in your home.  They can come in any color and add a whole lot of class to the place.  Personally I recommend one for every room in the house.  But if you’re on a budget you’ll probably want to install a few choice ones.

Guest blogger Brett Ratner is back with more news on coke stones!

First off the bathroom. Here I recommend installing a nice average size coke stone right next to the sink.  Try to find one that matches the décor of your bathroom.  (Although a lot of people I know, like Zack Braff, have built the décor of their bathroom entirely around their coke stone.) Since the bathroom is where you will probably be doing the most coke you’ll want to splurge for the most durable one you can get.  Coke stone will eventually go bad over time so investing in a nice one now wil save ou money in the long run.

Next get a big one in the living room.  I’d recommend just getting rid of your coffee table and replacing it with a gigantic circular coke stone.  One friends can gather around during a party.  If you’re friend with Martin Short make sure to get a SQUARE one.  (HA HA HA HA HA HA!  If you knew Martin Short you’d get why that was funny.)  I also recommend getting coke stones installed into the arm rests of all your chairs and sofas.  Usually I nevr have enough room for everyone at my main coke stone so the little ones make sure everyone feels included. 

Finally make sure you get a coke stone installed on to either side of your bed.  If I don’t have a quick sniff first thing in the morning I can’t function.  And I mean that LITERALLY.  I mean I actually physically can’t move if I don’t get coke with in the first five seconds of waking up.  I have to sleep for another whole eight hours.  (A third of X-3 was directed by my assistant because of this problem.)  That’s why I say coke stone on either side of the bed.  The time it takes me to roll from one side to another could cost me days of my life.